My Ollie was a chocolate lab born in 1995 and was eight when he developed a tumor in his spleen of course being a lab he showed no signs of anything being wrong with him until one Friday morning he didn’t eat his breakfast I was very worried about him as you can imagine and monitored him over the weekend just in case he was just feeling a bit off or bored with his food. I made him roast chicken and he seemed happy with this and ate it but he lost his footing racing back into the door and took a tumble I knew something was up although he just acted like nothing was wrong bouncing straight back up.
First thing Monday I took him to the vet and she examined him and said she wanted blood for tests. I sat in the waiting room while they took the blood and I cried as I heard the clippers take a small piece of fur of his paw I was really worried what if this was serious I thought. The vet asked us to wait while they ran the tests and Ollie and me sat in the waiting room no tears this time, we had to be strong. The tests came back fine except for one there was a slight drop in blood cells somewhere I can’t exactly remember the details. The vet suggested that we keep an eye on him for 48 hours and she wanted to see him again and if he hadn’t improved she wanted to give him a scan to check that there was no mass, what’s a mass I thought at the time. She informed me that if this was the case then Ollie would have to have his spleen removed and he would recover quite well she made it quite clear that I shouldn’t delay Wednesday’s scan appointment and that she would worry about him tonight – she’d worry about him blimey I was in panic mode already.
Wednesday came and Ollie went back to the vet I had to leave him there, I cried as me and my boyfriend left the surgery what if he had to have an operation, I may lose him. I spent the day with my sister and her husband and my boyfriend it was hard not to think about Ollie all day, I had my hand on my phone all day like a cowboy with his gun ready to answer that call. It came at 3.30pm Ollie had a mass and needed an operation, he was booked in for Friday with another vet Matt Brash a radiologist specialist we were to go to the surgery an hour before opening and speak with Matt regarding Ollie. I knew it was bad I said to my boyfriend on the Thursday night we may never see Ollie again after tomorrow he said don’t be silly of course we will it’s just a small op and he’ll be fine. Not sure if he was trying to convince himself or me. We went to the surgery with Ollie on the Friday morning at 8.00am. Matt was lovely a real caring vet whose love of animals really showed through. He explained everything to us and for the first time the word cancer was mentioned. We looked at Ollie’s x rays and scans from Wednesday it was clear that there was something there. He said we should consider letting Ollie go under the anaesthetic if he had opened him up and found that the cancer was spread it was the kindest thing to do, I knew that was right but agreeing to it was so hard but I did. We said our goodbyes to Ollie and left the surgery, we both cried for ages in the car but consoled ourselves that he couldn’t be with a better vet right now.
My boyfriend went to work and I did too to arrange some homeworking for looking after Ollie while he was recovering. I left work at 12.00pm with a bag of stuff to work on over the next couple of weeks at 12.12pm I had the most horrible pains driving home I felt awful I thought something had happened to Ollie I don’t know why. I went home and waited around 2.00pm I made myself a cup of tea the first thing I’d had to eat or drink all day, the phone rang and I dropped the tea and ran, it was Matt. The first thing he said was Ollie is alright he’s still with us but there had been a hitch. He hadn’t had his operation he was too weak to take the anaesthetic they had tried to put him under and his breathing went too pot by all accounts there was a bit of a panic they thought they were going to lose him at that point but they managed to get him back. They had started working on him at 12.00pm so my pains were timely. While he was still dozy they took more x rays it was clear from these that the cancer had now spread further than Wednesday and he now had lung cancer as well. I was numb I was losing my baby he was my world, my best friend and constant companion. It wasn’t if, it was when.
We went to see Matt after surgery at 6.00pm that night, we sat and talked through the options for Ollie, Matt was very understanding and praised Ollie for being his most behaved patient that day he said that he could see that Ollie meant the world to us. I needed to know how long I had left with Ollie it was important to me, Matt was reluctant to say at first but I convinced just how important it was so that I could make the rest of my time with Ollie the best ever. He said around 2 weeks.
We had a strange weekend Ollie was on a new diet of anti cancer food a new food that feed the system and starved the cancer or something like that, he was on anti-inflammatory, and steroids oh how he hated taking those pills, I cooked chicken as well for him and hid the tablets in the chicken, at first it worked but soon he spat them out. The next fortnight was amazing, I never left Ollie, sleeping on the couch with a quilt draped onto the floor for him to lie on my hand constantly reaching down to check he was ok, he only had to nudge my hand and I was up ready for action seeing to his every need. We spent hours in the conservatory watching the birds and talking, well me talking about how I would cope without him, he seemed to understand and cuddle up with me which was nice, I tried not to cry in front of him but sometimes it was difficult not to, he was my absolute rock he had always been there for me and now it was my turn to be there for him and it was hard knowing that the only sure thing was I was going to lose the best thing ever from my life. We slipped into our six small meals a day routine but the second week was so hard Ollie was eating less and less his body was obviously finding it difficult the cancer was spreading like wildfire, it was so unfair he was only eight and had never done anything to anyone why him?
On the second Saturday things took a turning for the worse, Ollie refused to eat and his face changed, he looked different, relaxed as though he had accepted it, he looked to me and I knew what he was trying to say. He gave my boyfriend top dog position by bowing his head to him when he walked towards him my boyfriend was worried, I jokingly questioned Ollie’s judgement with him. We knew the time was close, I had ordered Ollie a special collar for his birthday from America and it arrived that Saturday, I thought bugger it he’s never going to make it to his birthday he can wear it now, I put the collar on him, it was so loose I realised just how much weight Ollie was now losing it was awful to see this cancer eating away at my precious Ollie and there was nothing I could do about it. I wanted to scream and rip it out of him, but my boy was dying and he needed me.
Sunday we decided that we needed to ring Matt and get him to come to the house and have Ollie put to sleep, we realised that we had only 24 hours left with him, we all slept on the floor that night after carrying Ollie back inside at bedtime after he collapsed outside. I knew it was the right decision to take, I had asked Matt how will I know, he said you just will, and he was right I knew. I held one paw and my boyfriend held the other paw as we all lay together, the daylight came and we asked Matt to come over. It was 1 November all saints day appropriate for Ollie I thought. I asked Ollie if I could have some of his fur to keep when he didn’t need it anymore, I cut a small piece of waggy tail fur and showed him the fur I took as I put it into his photo album. I asked him to look over me and watch out for me and to go and find my dad and he would take care of him for me.
Matt arrived at 9.30am with Rebecca the nurse that had looked after Ollie when he had been at the vets. Again Matt was excellent and explained what was going to happen, I held Ollie’s head in my hands as Matt put him to sleep, I cried buckets and we talked about Ollie for a while. He was my special chocolate hound I know he’s not a hound he’s a gundog but he’s always been my chocolate hound to me. Matt and Rebecca took Ollie with them back to the surgery where they took care of the arrangements for an individual cremation for me.
I got Ollie back on his birthday 11 November I knew I would, we had chocolate cake to celebrate his birthday and my plate had dog hair on it I knew he was watching over us that night. Since then I cried every day for three months I just didn’t know what to do without him. The house is so empty without him around, I miss him terribly even today.
I decided that Ollie taught me so much about the canine world and that I should also put this knowledge to good use and have another chocolate Labrador in the future. Life will never be the same again, I have never met a human that has been able to change my life like Ollie did, I thank him for that and cherish his memory and try to think of all the good times we shared together it’s hard to believe it’s been 6 months and it’s hard to think that others will be going through the same thing as me and my special chocolate hound did, my heart goes out to them.
I know my story is long but I hope by sharing it that it helps others out there to know that they are not on their own with what they are going through.
