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Discussion Starter #1
Well 2013 is ending on a major low for my family right now, my mum just lost her job and frankly the money I get for caring for my grandmother isn't enough to cover my mothers wages :(. I'm just so stressed right now, it's a case of what the hell do I do? Do I try to get work and give up caring for my grandmother? Problem is she is due to have major heart surgery in January, and I will be working well over 35 hours as I will have to be with her 24hrs 7 days a week for the grand sum of £80 a week!

I'm really upset about everything right now, and I can't contribute or help. I've just about had enough, I don't want to not care for my grandmother but we are struggling and I mean really struggling, with my dads pay having been frozen for god knows how many years. My dad's pay is having to cover all the bills and anything else we have to pay out for, and it's stressing everyone out.

My only comfort right now is Lilly, I just don't know what to do anymore, 2013 has been pretty bad for our family and I just don't know what the hell to do anymore, no matter how hard I try to find work I'm deemed unemployable, my mum who works super hard and has done all her life has lost two jobs this year because of lack of work :( really someone needs to give us a break!

This christmas we struggled to get gifts for the family, and the only people we saw this christmas were friends who travelled down to see us. We didn't see or hear from other family members at all, which has really upset me. My grandmother couldn't even write my name on a christmas card which has hurt me so much I can't explain, especially as I care for her and do all her running around. I've really just had enough of things right now I feel like I have MUG written all over my face. I am expected to do everything for my nan for less than minimum wage and if I ask for help I get told "your getting paid for it", I've really had enough of everything I'm 23, I don't smoke, rarely drink, I don't go out ever other than to walk Lilly or run around after my nan. I have petty much no social life other than Facebook and here while my cousins all go out and do what they want get £400 christmas money every year!

Sorry for the rant but I just needed somewhere to vent, without hurting my immediate families feelings.

Sorry to put a downer on things but I'm just not sure how much more I can take of this!
 

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I'm really sorry to read that you are going through all of this :-(

I am not sure what to suggest, that would be of any help, but I didn't want to read and not reply :grouphuuug:

I truly hope that somehow things will improve for you soon.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Thanks ladies,

It's proving to be very difficult right now and it isn't helped by other family members that continue to treat us like crap, as I said my nan couldn't be bothered to write my name on a christmas card! That has hurt me more than anything, she is the only grandparent I have left all my other cousins had all their grandparents. Also my other cousins don't even bother with my nan, her own daughters rarely go there! It's me my mam and dad that do everything, we cook my nan a Sunday dinner but have to take it to her because she can't be bothered to get dressed, but she will get dressed to go out with my aunts. She went to my aunts for christmas lunch and thanked her on Facebook for a stunning meal and wonderful company, and we get nothing!

As I said I'll be the one expected to look after her all the time after her surgery and that will mean staying in her house for a minimum of 2-3 weeks 24/7.

If I'm honest I'm really upset with it all, my nan told strangers who commented that I have a bit of an American accent that she would like to "punch it out of me" because she doesn't like it, and yet me being the complete mug that I am continue to run around at here beck and call and take all the crap. I'm not appreciated never have been it's always been expected that I will look after my nan because I'm the oldest grandchild.

I'm at my wits end with it all, it's just more and more stress that I really could do without.

Thanks for the hugs and letting me rant I do appreciate it!
 

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Really sorry to read your post.
It's difficult to suggest anything to help. You sound a lovely decent young woman that anyone would be proud to have as a granddaughter. Sometimes people don't realise how lucky they are, without you and your parents help your grandma might be in a nursing home and not staying in her own house. I genuinely hope things improve for you and wish 2014 is a happier year for you and your parents.
 

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Its very hard when you don't get support from other Family members.It seems to happen with most Families,someone is left to do all the caring with no thanks.The only thing I would say is,you will be the person with no regrets if anything happens to your Gran.I do hope things get better in 2014.You rant all you like,thats what we are here for.Take care.
 

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Perhaps it's time to tell your Grandma how you feel directly. Choose a time of day when you are calm and stay factual. Explain that she hurts your feelings when she says such and such. And perhaps remind her that even though you ARE getting paid to look after her, it is nowhere near enough to support you, you are doing it because you want to look after her, but you can't continue on if the situation stays like that. I might sound a bit harsh, but age, sickness, whatever, never justifies being harsh or nasty.

Don't let other people's expectations dictate what you do. You choose your path, no one else.

You do sound very mature for your 23 years, so I do hope the wind turns for you and that 2014 brings you everything you need.
 

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You have your rant, must be a horrible position to be in. I looked after my nan for years before she died at the age of 96. I wouldn't have had it any other way as she meant so much to me but i had to make many sacrifices while she lived at my moms. I was the one who couldn't work for various reasons at the time so i was always broke and nearly lost my home, while the rest of the family were always going on holidays and had money in the bank. But i know i did the right thing by my nan as i know she appreciated everything i did.
I have no advice to give, but i know how it must make you feel if you don't feel appreciated by your nan. We are all here for you when you need a rant x
 

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It's awful isn't it - the family we tend to rely on are those we most often neglect. I have to say I agree with Kiki, this is your life too, which you might want to point out to your gran. I know that's easier said than done though. My mum was taken out of school to care for my grandfather who had a stroke. When he died, she spent a lot of time looking after my generally grumpy and cantankerous gran (who lived to 100!) as well as working and looking after her family. Although I tried to do my bit, it was my mother who really carried the load and although her conscience is clear (unlike her sister's who scarpered when things got difficult) she was never truly thanked for her efforts. Fortunately, mum was in a position to retire early, so the world's her oyster now, but she missed out on a lot. You need to think of yourself too.

Take care xx
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Thanks everyone,

Yeah I spoke with my dad today, he is a theatre nurse and I would have loved to be a nurse but my learning difficulty is quite severe and I'd have a very difficult time passing the fitness to practice tests. He understands where I'm coming from. It's just very difficult at the moment, I'm looking into starting a photography business, although that again is going to take some planning but I'm fed up of being taken for a mug........ When I go to get cards for my cousins for my nan I always make sure they get granddaughter or grandson cards, because I know how special those cards are, my last granddaughter card was for my 21st birthday from my mum's mother, but she sadly passed way in June 2011. Since then I've had nothing, and as I said my nan can't even write my name on a christmas card let alone get me a granddaughter one!

This whole situation is a mess and quite frankly I'm a bit fed up, just need to think about things, because I love my nan but can't help but feel like crap right now.

Thanks for listening!
 

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I really and truly hope 2014 is your year and things start to go right for you. You sound a lovely young woman who deserves better.

Your parents sound kind people, perhaps they could have a quiet word with your Nan saying how you feel.

As have most people, I have had some bad times and my dogs are what got me through. I used to cry, mutter and moan at them and they would give me a big, sloppy kiss in reply!

Give Lily a big hug.

Susan and Poppy
 

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Being old is no excuse for bad behaviour!

It often is the easier option to ***** foot around them but it doesn't help them or you.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Thanks everyone things have been really stressful over the past few days. Took my nan out shopping to three different shops, we bumped into a family friend who mentioned that she had seen me walking the dog and had called me but I hadn't heard, this was when I had my ear infection and had trouble hearing anyway. My mum had already explained this to the family friend previously. When my nan heard that I hadn't replied to the friend she said"she's like that anyway" in a really nasty way implying I don't listen.

As of today I am looking for a job where I actually get paid minimum wage and don't have to put up with the crap. My nan came to us for New Year's Day lunch, we had no thank you, where as my aunt who cooked her Christmas Day lunch got a big thank you posted all over Facebook.

I've never felt so bad, and I'm at breaking point after all the crap my nan has put me through I have gone back to look after her every time, I've been an idiot thinking I actually mattered to her. All the other grandchildren had nice cards and their names on those cards me I got a crappy simple card without my name on it, today was the last straw and I am sick of it.

Lilly has been stuck to me like glue since I came home and she knows I'm upset, I just hope I can find work so that me, my mum, my dad and Lilly can lead a better life.

Again thank you all for your replies and letting me rant, I can't do it on Facebook cause my nan is on there and so are my aunts. Right now things are hard but I'm looking forward to actually achieving something with my life instead of being my Nan's slave, cause I certainly am not a grandchild in her eyes!
 

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Good for you Emma. I am so sorry, I hadn't been on LF all over Xmas so missed your sad posting. I truly feel for you. Some OAPs beggar belief with their selfish, narrow-minded opinions of the young folk. Your nan is treating you like a doormat and maybe you getting yourself a lovely little job will be the wake-up call she needs (although don't hold your breath).

You are only young and definitely should not be taking on the whole responsibility of an ungrateful old biddy by yourself. Maybe your parents could have a word with the rest of the family to get them to take a turn (again don't hold your breath that they would get any offers of help). With your poor mum losing her job and you needing to find something, this the perfect opportunity of pushing the rest of the family, or indeed your nan herself.


Definitely think positive, think of yourself, Lily and your parents and take a back seat from your gran. It does sound that she isn't quite as needy as she makes out. If she can get herself up and dressed for some outings then she can get up and dressed for others. As to her forthcoming operation, she can go into temporary nursing accommodation for the recovery period and then you can visit her as and when, as can the rest of the family.

I know I sound harsh towards your nan but honestly it sounds like she is all take and never any give where your side of the family is concerned. She is just taking your for granted. (You can tell I have been on the receiving end of similar things). Concentrate on perfecting your photography (which is so much better since your new camera) and power walking Lilly.

Oh and don't put yourself down over your learning difficulties - you can and you WILL is the motto!

x
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Thanks,

I've emailed a few places about possible job applications, not sure if I'll get anywhere as some require references but having never been employed my references are from school :(. I've applied for one job helping others with learning difficulties at a local college. It's 22.5 hours Monday-Friday and only about a 30min drive.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Thanks again for the replies, I just put an application in for the local Apple Store, as well as last nights application for a support role at a collage. I just have to keep my fingers crossed now, I'd love the job at the Apple store as I do love my technology and practically live in that place, playing around on all the new stuff lol!

The job at the Apple store was only posted today so fingers crossed I am what they are looking for.
 
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