Labradors Forums banner

1 - 20 of 23 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,164 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
"We need a urine sample" said the vet matter-of-factly. "Catch some in a dish, and then decant it into this." She put a sample bottle on the table in front of me.

It sounds so simple, doesn't it?

Sample Attempt 1.
Let the dogs out into the garden. Rosie and Pepi do their usual run down the length of the garden barking in case there are any squirrels lurking. Mummy follows, carrying silver pie dish. Frank ambles across the lawn and sniffs the ground. Mummy advances with pie dish. Frank stops turns, looks enquiringly at Mummy and decides she is following him because she wants to give him a biscuit. So he stops sniffing the ground and goes to sit in front of her.

Mummy says a bad word.

Sample Attempt 2.
Let the dogs out into the garden. Rosie and Pepi do their usual run down the length of the garden hoping to scare a squirrel or two. Frank ambles across the lawn. Mummy follows, carrying silver pie dish trying to stay right behind Frank so he doesn't see her. Frank sniffs the ground, meandering left and right. Mummy tiptoes a bit closer. Frank pauses on particular spot and adopts a pose. Mummy rushes the final few steps, and tosses pie dish underneath Franks tummy. Frank sees the silver dish sliding, and watches as it slides across the wet lawn underneath his tummy and out the other side. Then Frank pees.

Mummy says a bad word.

Sample Attempt 3.
Let the dogs out into the garden. Rosie and Pepi are convinced there must be squirrels somewhere. Frank potters across the lawn, with Mummy tiptoeing behind with pie dish. Frank sniffs, and adopts pose. Mummy dashes in, and skims pie dish across lawn like a frisbee. Frank pees, misses the pie dish, and then picks up pie-dish and goes running down the garden with it.

Mummy says a bad word.


Sample Attempt 4.
Let the dogs out into the garden. Rosie and Pepi go charging down the garden barking. Frank does his usual relaxed trot. BUT THERE IS A SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mummy says lots of bad words but since she barely made it out of the back door the neighbours won't have heard any of them.


Sample Attempt 5.
Put Frank on lead. Tell Frank he is going for a wee-wee and that if he does one, he will get a biscuit. Take Frank out on front lawn. Hold lead in left hand and what is now a rather battered pie dish in right hand. Frank ambles round. Mummy suggests he might like a wee-wee. Frank considers whether this is an option. Mummy reminds him about the biscuit. Frank decides a wee-wee is a good idea. He potters, sniffs, and squats. Mummy quickly slides pie-dish under Franks tummy. Frank pees. Franks pee hits the pie-dish. Mummy squeals "HURRAH!!!". Frank is so thrilled that Mummy is happy he grabs the first thing he can see to give her as a present. He picks up pie dish in joy, and throws the wee-wee all over his head, before dropping the pie-dish in shock on the lawn.

Mummy says very many bad words, kicks the pie-dish, and a lady walking past with her grand-children says "Oooh my goodness."

Mummy takes Frank indoors to wash his head and give him his biscuit.


Sample Attempt 6.
It is now Monday and Frank has been to the vet. The receptionist is a snotty cow who said "Surely it can't be that difficult" when Mummy expressed that getting a urine sample was "A nightmare." So Mummy is now feeling the pressure.

Mummy takes Frank out on front lawn on the lead and suggests he goes for a wee-wee. Frank doesn't want to do a wee-wee because the last time Mummy brought him outside for a wee-wee he ended up wearing it.

Mummy takes Frank another few steps, and then says if he does a wee-wee he get a biscuit.

Frank is not convinced and looks at Mummys right hand to see if that horrible pie-dish is in it.

Mummy says if he does a wee-wee she will give him a chew-chew. They are very nice chew-chews. His favourite.

Frank sighs heavily, wondering why Mummy is suddenly so persistently interested in him going for wee-wees. He adopts pose, and wees.

Mummy quickly pulls clean plastic milk-pint carton out of coat pocket, and shoves it under Franks tummy. Frank is taken by surprise and hops slightly to the left, peeing all over Mummys hand and up her arm.

Mummy says alot of bad words under her breath, but she has managed to catch some wee-wee!!!

Mummy tells him he is a very very good boy and offers him a biscuit.

Frank is disgusted that Mummy is interfering with him every time he does a wee-wee in public out on the front lawn. Even worse, she has promised him a biscuit from a hand smelling of wee-wee. He gives her a filthy look. He sits down on protest in a huff and refuses the biscuit.

It takes Mummy about five minutes and several reminders of the special chew-chew before he will agree to re-enter the house, which gives the wee-wee plenty of time to penetrate her coat through to her sweatshirt beneath.

When Mummy hands over the sample to the snotty receptionist she says, "Well done. It's never as hard as you might think."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,653 Posts
Hilarious! Sorry Jane, I think your vet is simply -er "Taking The P+++"!!!
My vet gives out these brill test kits that you can hide, the dish acts as a funnel and attaches to the bottle. No Mess, done in an instant! Well, maybe with the Frankie Monster 2 instants.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
793 Posts
Brilliant I havnt laughed so much for a couple of weeks now :D . I do sympathise with you, having had to collect many wee samples over the years, but I have bitches so I think it is easier for me (at times).
But my vet has always said, "If it is a problem for you, bring the dog into surgery for the day, and we will get it here, its not a problem". So it seems I have more helpful vets, mind you I havnt had to do it this way, but their offer is there.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,609 Posts
Excellent. I think you should print it out and give it to the snotty receptionist!

I once had to take a sample from Coco so I know how bad it is. Following advice on here I put some toilet paper in the bottom of an old (clean) takeaway carton to soak it up a bit.

When I returned to the vets for the results they told me they had thrown it away because it wasn't a good enough sample and I shouldn't have used a contaminated container or toilet roll as they couldn't test a sample in those conditions. :roll: I was well and truly pee'd off after the efforts I had gone to in order to collect it.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
793 Posts
I use old plastic take away containers that have been cleaned in the dish washer to collect samples from my bitches. I keep them in for longer than usual then let out the one I need it from so there is no messing about playing etc. So she gets down to it and I nip up behind and if lucky get it fast. Then decant into a container my vet has already given me.
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
17,438 Posts
My cough is at the stage where laughing is not a good idea if I fancy breathing!! Oh dear!!

Luna was such a good girl when I needed wee samples... Tucker will probably hold his wee for a week if I attempt to do something strange while he pees! :lol:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,950 Posts
Oh Jane - you and Frankie are just so priceless. I am sat here nearly crying at the pictures you paint - just brilliant! Oh and well done for persevering - you got there in the end!

I know it is hard - had to try and get Cassie to oblige when she was a puppy. It was so impossible I had to give up as she could run and pee faster than I could give chase. Our last lab was such a doddle to get a sample from but Cassie is having none of it!
 
1 - 20 of 23 Posts
Top