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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Enjoy these .... :D

Things Dogs Must Try To Remember...

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

I will not eat the cats' food, either before or after they eat it.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll on cow pats, dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

Kitty box crunchies are not food.

I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.



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LEASH:
A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your people where you want them to go.

DOG BED:
Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL:
Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

SNIFF:
A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop. This can also be done to human's crotches.

GARBAGE CAN:
A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

BICYCLES:
Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

DEAFNESS:
This is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

THUNDER:
This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.

WASTEBASKET:
This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home

SOFAS:
Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.

BATH:
This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

BUMP:
The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

GOOSE BUMP:
A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't get the attention you require..... especially effective when combined with The Sniff. See above.

LOVE:
Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return. If not, you can always sniff their crotches.

:lol:
 

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i have just sat here with tears of laughter rolling down my face. i bet we have all experienced every one of those. better not let the fuzz faces read it just in case theres some thing there they havent tried :lol:
thanks for cheering up a monday morning. just one more to add.
must try and drink the bath water while my human is still in there just in case they drown! :razz:

jane and max.
 

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Karen,thanks for cheering me up on a miserable damp and cold Valentines Day,Dylan's asleep downstairs,Hubby's gone back to his job last night and i was feeling a bit low,but not anymore thanks to you.Lynne & Dylan.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
You're welcome. :D We all need cheering up on a Monday ....

now, roll on Friday afternoon

:lol:

I agree with Jane about not letting the doggy eyes see it ... I don't want Corbie to start doing the items on the list he hasn't thought of yet :lol:
 

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DROOL:
Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

Excellent Karen!

Really enjoyed reading these - especially the one above! :lol:
 
G

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Just to add to that:

Dog property laws

If I like it, it’s mine.

If it’s in my mouth, it’s mine.

If I can take it from you, it’s mine.

If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

If I’m chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.

If it just looks like mine, it’s mine.

If I saw it first, it’s mine.

If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

If it’s broken, it’s yours.

Michaela
 
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