Toryb, even with my experience of a variety of dogs over many years there have still been cases where I have had to return a foster dog to the rescue because it just hasn't worked. Sometimes making the decision to hand them back is harder than letting them stay & requires a degree of unselfishness & a lot of soul searching.
Please don't beat yourself up, many of us have been where you are now & have felt how you feel. Don't give up, there IS a dog out there who is perfect for you & he/she will find you when the time is right.
I will be honest and say yes this post did prompt my post, but it wasn't aimed at you at all, it has been a culmination of many years of posts similar to yours and very recently a dog that I placed personally in a home and who has now be rehomed for a third time, but is now in the 'right' home.
I have had several rescues over the years and I too have given one back to rescue after she was with us for 4 weeks, it was the hardest decision I have had to ever make, her name was Ellie and she was the most beautiful Border Collie, but she had serious fear aggression issues and we made matters worse by being inexperienced and exacerbating her fear, we became 'Midnight' walkers as she was aggressive with EVERYTHING.
If I knew then I what I know now things would have been different, we learned from our mistake and read everything we could on dog behaviour and perhaps because of her we were better able to cope and manage Maia's fear aggressive behaviour.
No don't let your experience put you off rehoming, there is a dog out there that will fit nicely into your home, but understand that there will be behaviour that you will need to address however small
We were new to Labs and I was honist about that but we were new to dog ownership and having 'rescued' greyhounds fresh from the track and into my home I am no fool when it comes to behaviour that needs adressing This was just a step further than I could safely manage along with having young children...I know there are some people out there who will say that dogs and children dont mix but i disagree...its a fine balance but one that i feel is completly worthwile...
If im being completly honist i guess it was the 'my dog is not as described' heading that perhaps made me feel even worse than I already do...I didnt apply to adopt her on a whim...I didnt look through and apply in the same way that I would bid on something on ebay and then complain when bits are missing...after MUCH careful talk with my husband we sumbitted an application form for Rolo with hope beyond hope that we would be perfect for her...that she would grow up with our children... I talked at length with the rescue about her, hoped and hoped that we would be chosen to adopt her.
I had spoken at length with my children about Rolo, shown them pictures, stuck pictures of her on the wall where her bed would be, in the kitchen where her bowls would be so that they learnt to take care/be aware around those places... We had a song that we would sing 'Roll over Rolo' to a specific tune and my little girl sung it all the way to Rolos foster home on saturday...
I realise that working within rescue yoou see people adopt dogs and then they get returned but please please dont assume that its done flippantly...I agree sometimes it would be but I hate the thought that some people on here will think we just handed her back...I sobbed my heart out this morning when my hubby put her in the crate in the van ...infact I dont seem to have stopped crying much this entire weekend... I wanted to 'change my mind' a million times over and fought it becuase deep down i know that jhaving met Rolo, spent time with her that we arnt the right family for her...so our hurt and dissapointment aside I did what i thought was best for her...
Worse than my own guilt is that i feel for Rolo and not to mention my 5 year old daughter who has been distraught ALL day and I have to justify why I have done what I have done...
So right now im feeling a hell of a lot of guilt, dissapointment, sadness for everybody involved... But i dont expect everyone to understand why i did what i did but for anyone thinking we hadnt thought it through properly or changed our minds then I hope you never go through this becuase its pretty dam awful
I still have a roll of film from 10 years ago when we had Ellie, I have never been able to have it developed or throw it away, I went into a period of mouring after I handed her back, I was devestated and felt an utter failure, she was just the wrong dog for us in this case, we paid a behaviourist to tell us that.
Ellie ended up being rehomed to someone who understood the needs of the breed and became an agility dog and the RSPCA Essex rescue dog of the year.
____________ Natalie x
LAB LINK RESCUE Co ordinator and Forum Administrator for my sins
Jack, Molly & Maia, watched over by Tara Banana from the Bridge
Have only read Nats post and not all the others yet so may be repeating, so apologies if so.
I worked in rescue kennels years ago and these were dogs that came in as strays so no backgrounds, no fosters etc. We only learnt from them whatever behaviours they showed in kennels, which as everyone knows is so different to a home life.
I lost count of how many times when rehoming a dog I reiterated to people that these dogs wouldn't take weeks or even months to settle in and become 'proper' home dogs, it sometimes would take over a year before you could tell that they were really happy and really settled, I know that at first hand from taking on a stray GSD myself, he was only 5mths old so hadn't formed all behaviours but it was seriously over a year before we realised he was PROPERLY wagging his tail.
These dogs need time and take time, we honestly don't what has happened to them or the things they have seen and how that has affected them. But once they have decided that all is ok and they can relax, they will be the best dogs in the world.
sometimes you find that even after months there are still things/behaviours that a rescue will do that you can never really change...........
you have to learn to `manage' some behaviours/problems and realise that not all things can be ironed out/corrected with time....... sometimes they just have to be lived with and YOU have to make changes/adjustments (not the dog).
If i had never joined this forum i don't think i would ever have got into the `helping rescue world' i am so glad i did.......... there are so many great people and dogs here !!!!!!
____________ Dawn
Marley Frank Mack Moose & Roger xxxxxx
I could not admire the people who work in rescue more, and tbh don't know how they can bear some of the things they must see and hear. I know it may be because extra time spent on each dog is money that they could maybe rescue another dog with, but it does surprise me that some rescues do not insist that you meet the dog you are adopting first.
I was planning to have a rescue as a companion to Barney, but this made me hesitate and during the hesitation period I became aware of the litter that Amber was to come from which for a particular reason was of interest to me, and so we had a puppy rather than a rescue, and our next dog will come from a rescue which allows dog and adoptee to meet first.
If the prospective adopters met the dogs they were adopting do you feel that there would be less chance of the dogs being returned, or because of the difference in behaviours at the foster home and the adoptee's home do you feel that would not help?
If the prospective adopters met the dogs they were adopting do you feel that there would be less chance of the dogs being returned, or because of the difference in behaviours at the foster home and the adoptee's home do you feel that would not help?
As far as Lizzies Barn goes, I know that the vast majority of people looking to adopt only ever wanted to make one trip - maybe it was a long journey or some other reason - but everyone at the sanctuary are usually prepared for that visit to be very short or for several hours if they want to take the dog off to the beach for a while with their family and other dogs. Some people have asked for more than one visit and that has always been accommodated because it can only help for the dog to have met them on several occasions.
However, it doesn't always make a difference because, as you've already guessed, the behaviours displayed at the sanctuary are not going to be the behaviours seen in the new home for a while. For example, people often say they want a dog with good recall, but that is something that only comes with a good bond between dog and owner so whilst a dog in the care of the sanctuary can have good recall to the people there, it is not necessarily going to be so with people it doesn't know.
Last edited by dirtychicken on Tue Aug 23, 2011 2:39 pm; edited 1 time in total
____________ Sarah and Bran
Always watched over with love by our angel, Flora, from Rainbow Bridge
Bran Training
Thank you Sarah. Lizzies Barn sounds absolutely wonderful and to take the dog out with existing dogs is such a good idea, both to have a chance to see how the dogs may be together and also to start to build a bond between dog and adopter before they leave rescue.
I do understand though, that it is still not possible to get any firm idea of exactly how the dog will behave when it gets to its new home.
Just to follow up on Dawn's post about having to make changes for the dog rather than the other way around... yes! And also true of dog I have had from pup!
I can only speak for my experience with Many Tears, but often people visit the dog they hope to adopt at the Centre and spend some time getting to know each other, before committing to an adoption which may entail having a home check in between before they can take the dog home. However, when people are travelling to meet a dog the home visit often happens before they actually meet so if all goes well (and *only* if all goes well) they can take the dog with them there and then.
This is often true as well when the dog is in a foster home, especially if they are travelling some distance, so as to avoid more than one trip. But it is a misconception to describe the visit as "collecting" the dog, as the meeting (as Sarah says) can and should take as long as necessary for all parties to feel comfortable that the adoption is the right thing.
The meeting will in any case only take place after rescue staff *and* the fosterer have spoken to the prospective adopters at length about their hopes, requirements, current situation and past doggy experience. Then all members of the family who will be living with the dog and any other dogs in the household must all come to meet the dog before the adoption can be finalised. And it does happen that the rescue staff or the fosterer will stop the adoption if they have any concerns that it isn't the right "fit" for all concerned.
All that said, circumstances do arise for all sorts of reasons where the dog is returned because things just aren't working, and with the best will in the world, we (on all sides) don't get it right every time. Hopefully, we get it right *most* of the time....
____________ The pack of brats: Coco, Megan, Paddy, Bella, Missi
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This was just a step further than I could safely manage along with having young children...I know there are some people out there who will say that dogs and children dont mix but i disagree...its a fine balance but one that i feel is completly worthwile...
