Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 2:54 pm Post subject: My rescue dog is not what they described!
This is a true story and is based upon my experience with Molly.
So you have spent ages trawling through websites, found the 'perfect' dog, had your homecheck and passed and now is the day you pick your new family member up.
If you are anything like me you will have bought leads, collar, beds food and shares in Pets at Home, the excitement levels will be at their peak and of course you have bored your friends and family to tears for the last few weeks about this wonderful new dog you have seen and are about to get, you have spent days/weeks looking at the one photo you have, reading up the history, what the foster home has said and you KNOW that this dog will be perfect, she walks well on the lead, has great recall, house trained, good with kids and other dogs..absolutely perfect!
So the big day arrives, you have put the bed out ready, got the toys in the box, the car is packed with all the usual paraphernalia, you are eager to collect her/him.
You arrive at the foster home where you set eyes on your new dog for the first time, she is gorgeous, but spends all the time sitting in the corner eying you warily, not wanting to come near you and the foster mum suggests you all for for a walk, so off you go and the dog recalls nicely to her foster mum and you think to yourself OK, this isn't going to be too bad.
An hour or so later, your new dog is in the back of your car and you are heading off home looking forward to your new life together.
Arriving home you open the boot and take hold of your dog's lead and head into the house, your other dogs are ignoring the new intruder hoping she will go away eventually, the cats have scarpered and your new addition warily inspects her new surroundings.
Having had a number of rescue dogs we know to ignore her and let her settle, to give her space, after all her Foster mum and the rescue have said what a wonderful friendly and cuddly girl she is.
That night she sits in the corner of the living room, head down, looking down right miserable, no enticing will get her to come to you, it just makes her cower even more.
A few days go by, she wont eat, she just slinks around the house avoiding human contact.
Out on walks she is a different dog when amongst other of her kind she comes out of her shell, and her recall is brilliant.
I struggle to bond with her, I am dying to put my arms around her and give her cuddle and tell her we wont hurt her, but I know that this is not the way to go, she has to learn that life is great living here with us and that means allowing her to come around in her time, but of course that doesn't help us and I am beginning to have second thoughts about whether this is right for us all.
A week and a half go by and there is no change in her behaviour at home, she just doesn't want to make eye contact, she just makes her self as insignificant as possible, avoiding any contact with us, so in desperation we phone her foster mum, she tells us that this dog was nothing like that with her and I begin to wonder just what it is that this dog hates about us, we make arrangements to return her that weekend.
Then with just a couple of days to go we notice a tiny change, so tiny but very significant, she comes out of her corner and sniffs my hand, and licks its then goes back to her corner. I cannot tell you how I felt at that moment and wanted to go over to her and hug her, but I knew that I had to restrain myself. I called her over with a treat and she came, slowly, but she came and she let me stroke her, she was still very wary of Gary.
Over the next 24 hours she got braver and then the day before we were due to take her back, she did something I never would of expected, she came up onto the couch sat on my lap and 'kissed' me, she had finally decided in her own time that we were 'OK' and that she was safe and wanted to stay. We have not looked back since.
Whenever I am homechecking I tell people of my experience, every dog is different, some will be shy, some will be fearful, they can be different to how the foster home describes them in those first few weeks.
Some dogs can come around in a few hours others in months, some will be over excited, others terrified.
Don't expect a perfect dog, because they don't exist just as the perfect human doesn't, we all have our faults and foibles, that's what makes us unique, learn to understand them, learn that everything takes time, and when that moment of change comes embrace it.
Please don't give up at the first hurdle.....it's not a race, but a destination sometimes, it just take a little longer to get there.
____________ Natalie x
LAB LINK RESCUE Co ordinator and Forum Administrator for my sins
Jack, Molly & Maia, watched over by Tara Banana from the Bridge
Excellent post. It's also worth remembering that not only are all dogs and situations different, but all people are different too, so some will have unrealistic expectations of their new companion, and others will have the patience of saints. And in some cases it's just not the right match, in spite of everything the rescue and fosterer did to try to ensure it.
I have just waved goodbye to my 10th foster girl, of whom 8 have been ex-breeding labs. The spectrum of behaviour and damage has been enormous, depending on their specific previous experience, their age, and their temperament. I'm at the stage of jumping each time the phone rings in case it's the adopters with a question, problem, or just saying it's not working and asking to bring her back. As Littlelab mentioned, the dog can behave in a very different way in her new home than in foster, and sometimes people only "hear" what they want to hear when you talk to them about the dog, and don't necessarily take on board the fact that the dog has issues.
On the other side of the coin, I've just heard about my most damaged and scared girl who was here over 3 months and went to live with the most fantastic and accepting couple I could imagine. After 9 months she is still wary of taking a treat from them, but they can now bath and brush her, she is "happy to be stroked" and no longer sinks to the ground when she sees a lead coming towards her. They are with her for the long haul and like me relish the tiniest of increases in trust, and enjoy watching her pleasure in simple things like being out in the sunshine.
____________ The pack of brats: Coco, Megan, Paddy, Bella, Missi
19 different foster dogs we've had here and, hand on heart, the only one who had no "baggage" was Tucker and that is purely down to his amazing temperament, not because of circumstances or anything we've done or not done.
We've had dogs come to us straight from their homes where they have never seen grass before, we've had puppies who have spent weeks living in cold stables on bare concrete, we've had ex-puppy farm girls and so on and so on, but even if it is a dog has come straight from the home it's known all it's life and has been well socialised and well cared for, it will usually be wary at best and petrified at worst of the new surroundings, people, other dogs etc and all they need is love, patience and time to become the amazing companion they can be.
Not to mention, my very own old collie boy, Bear, who we adopted after being told that he was no bother at all with the feral cats at the kennels but who then spent the next 2 months trying to eat my cats
____________ Sarah and Bran
Always watched over with love by our angel, Flora, from Rainbow Bridge
Bran Training
I realise im feeling reather sad and sensitive at the moment but I really hope my posts havnt promted this one...we certainly did not give up at the first hurdle...there were valid reasons Ignore me if im way off but I just wanted to reply incase. I cant even begin to explain how hard a decision it was for us and how awfully sad we all are
Toryb, I don't think you are being oversensitive, I wondered too if your experience had prompted this post.
I think sometimes that rescues and foster carers are very experienced with dogs and they probably don't appreciate how difficult it is for less experienced people to take on a dog that is a bit boisterous or needs boundaries setting. What seems like second nature to a multiple dog owner or someone who has a lot of experience can be so difficult for a novice and sometimes it is hard to know what you should be doing in a strange situation.
My heart goes out to you and I hope that in time you can get over your hurt and find a dog who will help you to gain confidence and experience. Please don't let it put you off dogs entirely.
It took 5 months of soul searching after having my border collie destroyed before I could get another dog. I was so frightened of things going wrong again. We looked at puppies of lots of breeds, rescue dogs for ages and backed out of several sales/adoptions. In the end we decided that we had to go down the puppy route so that we could start from scratch.
Don't be too hard on yourself. As least you were able to hand her back before any damage was done - other than the massive hurt you and your family are feeling.
It will get better but don't spend too much time beating yourself up. You weren't to know how it would turn out and the foster carer/rescue probably didn't know either.
I will be honest and say yes your post did prompt my post, but it wasn't aimed at you at all, it has been a culmination of many years of posts similar to yours and very recently a dog that I placed personally in a home and who has now be rehomed for a third time, but is now in the 'right' home.
I have had several rescues over the years and I too have given one back to rescue after she was with us for 4 weeks, it was the hardest decision I have had to ever make, her name was Ellie and she was the most beautiful Border Collie, but she had serious fear aggression issues and we made matters worse by being inexperienced and exacerbating her fear, we became 'Midnight' walkers as she was aggressive with EVERYTHING.
If I knew then I what I know now things would have been different, we learned from our mistake and read everything we could on dog behaviour and perhaps because of her we were better able to cope and manage Maia's fear aggressive behaviour.
No don't let your experience put you off rehoming, there is a dog out there that will fit nicely into your home, but understand that there will be behaviour that you will need to address however small
Last edited by Littlelab on Mon Aug 22, 2011 6:39 pm; edited 1 time in total
____________ Natalie x
LAB LINK RESCUE Co ordinator and Forum Administrator for my sins
Jack, Molly & Maia, watched over by Tara Banana from the Bridge
I have fostered over 80 dogs now from puppies to Poodles to Newfoundlands, mainly nervous ones whether ex breeding or made nervous by past experiences. Every single dog is different & it doesn't matter how experienced you are there is always something to learn.
I always tell my adopters that their new dog is unlikely to behave in the same way at their home as they do at mine especially in the early days. I encourage them to call me if they have any worries at all & many do particularly in the first few days. I can then offer reassurance & advice & they learn how to deal with whatever is concerning them.
My first Lab was an ex breeding girl who had been terribly abused. She had been rejected by her first adopter for having a saggy undercarriage & was terrified of everything. We had her over for a day before we finally adopted her as a trial & I remember looking at this quivering wreck & wondering what on earth we were doing & how would we cope. We survived with support from her foster mum & it took months of patience for her to come out of her shell. Its because of her & her wondeful foster mum that I started fostering.
Working with the damaged dogs isn't for everyone & no-one should feel bad if they're not cut out for it. If you feel you can persevere though I guarantee you will be rewarded over & again & will never regret your decision.
As Sarah has said - I am lucky! As the OH of an LF member said at the Charity Gundog Day "someone lost a really good pup when he ended up on the street". Tucker's temperament isn't that you would expect of a rescue dog, it is that of a young lab, curious, friendly, excitable and eager. He has the same kind of baggage that Luna - my pup from 12weeks - had at that age. I could only take on a rescue at this time that was perfect for us and over a month in, I forget that he hasn't been here forever.
I can not applaud, thank or praise you fosterers and adopters who take on the rescues with behaviour problems enough. I don't have the time or experience to do that so I thank you for doing what I can't.
I think the right dog is out there for everyone and what is meant to be will be. Things usually happen for a reason xx
I will be honest and say yes this post did prompt my post, but it wasn't aimed at you at all, it has been a culmination of many years of posts similar to yours and very recently a dog that I placed personally in a home and who has now be rehomed for a third time, but is now in the 'right' home.
I have had several rescues over the years and I too have given one back to rescue after she was with us for 4 weeks, it was the hardest decision I have had to ever make, her name was Ellie and she was the most beautiful Border Collie, but she had serious fear aggression issues and we made matters worse by being inexperienced and exacerbating her fear, we became 'Midnight' walkers as she was aggressive with EVERYTHING.
If I knew then I what I know now things would have been different, we learned from our mistake and read everything we could on dog behaviour and perhaps because of her we were better able to cope and manage Maia's fear aggressive behaviour.
No don't let your experience put you off rehoming, there is a dog out there that will fit nicely into your home, but understand that there will be behaviour that you will need to address however small
We were new to Labs and I was honist about that but we were new to dog ownership and having 'rescued' greyhounds fresh from the track and into my home I am no fool when it comes to behaviour that needs adressing This was just a step further than I could safely manage along with having young children...I know there are some people out there who will say that dogs and children dont mix but i disagree...its a fine balance but one that i feel is completly worthwile...
If im being completly honist i guess it was the 'my dog is not as described' heading that perhaps made me feel even worse than I already do...I didnt apply to adopt her on a whim...I didnt look through and apply in the same way that I would bid on something on ebay and then complain when bits are missing...after MUCH careful talk with my husband we sumbitted an application form for Rolo with hope beyond hope that we would be perfect for her...that she would grow up with our children... I talked at length with the rescue about her, hoped and hoped that we would be chosen to adopt her.
I had spoken at length with my children about Rolo, shown them pictures, stuck pictures of her on the wall where her bed would be, in the kitchen where her bowls would be so that they learnt to take care/be aware around those places... We had a song that we would sing 'Roll over Rolo' to a specific tune and my little girl sung it all the way to Rolos foster home on saturday...
I realise that working within rescue yoou see people adopt dogs and then they get returned but please please dont assume that its done flippantly...I agree sometimes it would be but I hate the thought that some people on here will think we just handed her back...I sobbed my heart out this morning when my hubby put her in the crate in the van ...infact I dont seem to have stopped crying much this entire weekend... I wanted to 'change my mind' a million times over and fought it becuase deep down i know that jhaving met Rolo, spent time with her that we arnt the right family for her...so our hurt and dissapointment aside I did what i thought was best for her...
Worse than my own guilt is that i feel for Rolo and not to mention my 5 year old daughter who has been distraught ALL day and I have to justify why I have done what I have done...
So right now im feeling a hell of a lot of guilt, dissapointment, sadness for everybody involved... But i dont expect everyone to understand why i did what i did but for anyone thinking we hadnt thought it through properly or changed our minds then I hope you never go through this becuase its pretty dam awful
Tory - I really don't know what to say apart from I'm sending hugs to you and yours.
It is always a huge step taking in a new dog whether a pup from a breeder or a rescue with baggage. The best thing to do for dog and people involved is to recognise when things aren't going to work and to do something about it.
I really hope that the right lab comes along for you and your family when the heartbreak of this experience allows you to look again. It sounds like you offer a lovely home for the right dog.
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum You cannot attach files in this forum You cannot download files in this forum
Ignore me if im way off but I just wanted to reply incase. I cant even begin to explain how hard a decision it was for us and how awfully sad we all are 
