Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 9:15 am Post subject: ...Before their time....???
...having lost 5 dogs in 3 years ranging from 7 to nearly 15, I can get pretty absorbed in trying to deal with grief and coming to terms with this great inevitable pain we place upon ourselves by loving these creatures who will never live as long as us. We KNOW they won't, but somehow if they make old bones, having lives a full life, the loss is as strong but the pain isn't as knife edge and all consuming than losing a dog, what we deam as 'early', or 'before their time'.
Now i'm not religious, so when people say to me 'everything is gods plan' or 'happens for a reason' I usually want to put their head through a window. So i'm looking for something *else* to help me deal with loss of a dog.
Now and again you read something that puts the hairs up on the back of your neck. That thing recently for me was a author describing how she lost a young dog at a year. Her pain was apparent till a wise old fellow explained to her that DOGS don't know that they are dying young, be that at a year, 5 years or whenever. We, as humans KNOW they ideally live 12 - 15 years. WE as humans, from a very young age, know a good human life span is 75 - 90 years. So if a 40 year old passes away from, say, Cancer, we KNOW that THEY know they are being cheated of life.
But our dogs don't.... They live for the day and the moment. If that span is 4 months or 14 years its all 'normal' to them. Its only US its not normal to. They aren't afraid of dying. They don't know that concept.
And I know, beyond anything else, just thinking that over has been of great comfort to me.
Hugs all
Di xxx
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The boys!
Read: Wylanbriar Dog Blog on the website: Updated! 1st February 12´!
People find all sorts of ways of dealing with loss, especially when it is unexpected or unexplainable. Any words that can help to find a way through the hurt and often anger can be priceless and true soul savers.
Thanks for sharing. These are words I will definately remember.
Wow Di, that's very deep for this time of the morning
I very much agree with you though, anyone who says 'everything happens for a reason' very much gets on my wick!
Or maybe the frustrating part of the sentence is that we wish only good things would happen for a reason and not the bad but then again, what would life be without good and bad to balance out?
It is a great comfort knowing that dogs do not know how long they should live and that they do indeed live very much for the moment. Maybe it would be wise to take a leaf from their books and not to worry about the future
When Jazzy (Lucy's daughter) suddenly died at 2 years old, we were completly devastated and have never really got over it BUT it is only now that we can say that she lived every day of her 2 year life to the full and we gave her 2 great years, from the minute she was born, she never went without anything. It is true, that it is us humans who feel cheated when a dog is taken away to soon. Anyone who said "It must have been her time or "she was special and chosen early" very nearly got a smack on the nose and probably has never been through the grief of losing a pet, or you wouldn't say it as you just don't feel that ever.
I can honestly say that whenever each one of my dogs goes, I know they have all had a great life - in fact me and my OH say we want to come back as a Lab living in a house like ours! Of course we all want our dogs to live to a good age and just peacefully pass away in their sleep but it doesn't always happen like that but I think it does help to be able to reflect and say - I gave that dog a bloody good life, it didn't know starving hunger or thirst, it was always warm and loved and cuddled and it had more toys than most children!
Tears Again!!! I think we have a lot to learn from children, I have never hidden death from my children (6, 3 and 2) and though the 6 year old believes of her own volition in some kind of afterlife intermingled with reincarnation when it suits her. However all 3 of them do not see death as sad just as a change, we miss the person/dog that has gone but its not sad for the one that dies. Children appear to see death as just part of what happens and then we later instill them with fear, talk of heaven or hell etc and make the whole thing mysterious and terrifying.
something we put ourselves through in having pets, I look at my dogs and see that at sometime in the future I will be making decisions again. People who dont have pets say is it worth it? and the answer is ..... of course it is. Enjoying their life, their antics, their love and companionship.
I couldnt LIVE without a pet in my life. So my life is far richer for having my dogs, cats (plus other assorted creatures) BUT I do mourn them all when they go. But the balance in what they give me far outweighs the grief (if that makes sense).
Still struggling with my stripey boy going but have to console myself that he did NOT suffer. He DID have a very good quality of life.
Thanks Di, your words do help put things in perspective to try and look at things from a different angle.
You are right, my brother died at 41yrs from cancer and I do feel he was robbed of his life and I feel robbed from having my brother. With dogs it is a different sense of grief.
Love and HUGS to all reading this post today,
Heidi
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Very very wise words and certainly a good way of thinking to help you come to terms with the grieve. I still shed lots of tears for my Holly (i was so lucky to have you sort of way) i look at Jake and think ohhhh she'd have loved him to bits!! (as soon as she had put him in his place )
Know just what you mean by the god type comments, they drive blooming potty!!! My eldest daughter has Autism and the amount of people that say well you know the parents like you are chosen for these children!!! !! like im some sort of flaming saint!!!
I was chatting to our trainer last night, they breed, work and train golden retrievers they lost 3 dogs last summer one of which was 16 they lost her while out walking, one minute she was there the next she was gone they have still not found her .
My nan was of the 'everything happens for a reason' fraternity, and I did find it a comfort when I was younger.
Then my nan died unexpectedly and relatively young (aged 70, when all the rest of my lot were living 90+). I was devastated and furious. I went through turmoil about how unfair life was, I was so close to my nan and I missed her dreadfully. At that point, I too could have shrieked at any person who said 'everything happens for a reason'.
I spent a year in and out of depression (I now understand it was grief but at the time I felt I should be able to 'cope'). I have always been a believer, but now I ranted at God, told him over and over again how angry I was.
Then time passed on. I still miss nan and I no longer keep to the 'everything happens for a reason' statement.
I think bad things happen randomly for no reason at all, they just happen. Sometimes we bring it on ourselves, other times sh*t happens. However, I do firmly believe that out of every bad situation something good will come, and time and time again that has been proved true to me. It might be something minor and it might not be instantly, but eventually you will look back and can say "that happened, it was awful, but this came from it."
Of course I do believe in an afterlife where all my relatives and deceased pets are wandering around. Some call it Heaven, some call it Glory. All I know is that once there you can never experience loss ever again.
For me, the greatest comfort is knowing that after death a new journey begins and never ends.
I know that isn't for everyone and it doesn't make loss a great deal easier, but its what gets me through the bad times in life.
And hey, I never stop asking God 'Why the heck did that happen?" when things go wrong and occasionally I tell him off I think he has a lot to put up with where I am concerned!
As a (previous) churchgoer I'm struggling with the death after 7 months of chemo, of a 3 yr old beautiful little girl. Daughter of friends -not that close but I still felt the need to ask Why?
But you're right, there is no Why, these things just happen. And dogs are lucky that they can accept after a bit and move on.
And God? Hmmm. Is that our way to comfort ourselves?
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!! like im some sort of flaming saint!!!
I think he has a lot to put up with where I am concerned!
