Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2005 12:22 pm Post subject: Saturday morning giggle !
HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME
1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
3. Both mark their territory.
4. Neither tells you what's bothering them.
5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
6. Both have a strange fascination with women's crotches.
7. Neither does any dishes.
8. Both fart shamelessly.
9. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
10. Both like dominance games.
11. Both are suspicious of the postman.
12. Neither understands what you ever see in cats.
HOW DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN
1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs always miss you when you're gone.
3. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
4. Dogs admit when they're jealous.
5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
6. Dogs do not play games with you - other than fetch
7. You can train a dog.
8. Dogs are easy to buy for.
9. Dogs understand what "no" means.
10. Dogs really mean it when they kiss you.
DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN
1. A dog's parents will never visit you.
2. A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.
3. A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.
4. A dog never expects you to telephone.
5. A dog won't get mad at you if you forget its birthday.
6. A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.
7. A dog won't get mad at you if you pet another dog.
8. A dog never expects flowers on Valentine's Day.
9. The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.
10. A dog does not shop.
LESSONS LEARNED FROM A DOG
1. Don't leave home without your ID.
2. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want. Drooling works also.
3. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on their shoes.
4. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.
5. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap, idealy upside down shamlessly displaying your jewels.
6. Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is most effective.
7. When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you're dragged shamefully out from under the bed).
8. If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.
1. Both are beautiful
2. Both are long suffering of idiots
3. Both are grateful for any attention they can get during a football match
4. Neither are fussy nor demand the bones are taken out of their meat
5. Both, one way or another, pick up smelly socks
6. Both welcome men home even if they were grumpy when they left
7. Neither are scared of spiders
8. Neither need to take a magazine with them when visiting the bathroom
9. Neither need a large shiney exhaust on the car they travel in
10. Both are grateful to be taken out
Number 1 - hmmmm, a slap coming me thinks - DUCK Paul
Number 2 - am pleased Liz doesn't tolerate fools, poor Paul
Number 3 - have you ever checked the contents of the pie you are given to eat while hypnotically engulfed in the telly? Revenge is always best served cold
Number 5 - smelly socks or big knickers !
.......and and addition to the list
11. Both are well groomed and wouldn't be seen dead on a forum with unbrushed hair
1) Saying nothing on grounds that it might incriminate me!!
2) Takes one to know one!
3) She knows better than to disturb me when the football (or Bikes) are on!
4) A woman thats not fussy? Yer 'aving a larf??! lol
5) I actually do put my socks in the laundry basket - honest! It's Liz's that are all over the place!
6) After a period of ignoring me, yes, i suppose she does - eventually!
7) Liz is terrified of all spiders!
Ok, not a magazine - more like 'War & Peace'
9) Again, no she doesnt & nor do i - strictly for the back to front baseball cap brigade
10) Damn right - she should be very grateful to go out with me!! lmao
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That's really funny, the first part is SOOO true 
Ok, not a magazine - more like 'War & Peace'
