Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2007 12:08 pm Post subject: So depressed and miserable
Hi
I do not know what is wrong with me, well I guess i must be depressed but I have no reason to be really.
We bought a nice house in a lovely area, have 2 children both of whom are a joy, 2 horses a gorgeous new puppy but nothing makes me happy. I cannot remember the last time I felt truly happy.
I have had anxiety attacks on and off for 19 years, I haven't had a holiday since 1988 as I daren't go away from home for too long. I now manage to work full time but it isn't easy some days to be here.
I have been married for 8 years and that makes me miserable too, he doesn't talk, he comes home at 6, has a bath and spends the rest of the night on the computer, I am downstairs doing tea, washing up, washing, putting the kids to bed, helping with homework, cleaning up after the puppy etc. I have tried talking to him but he is an ostritch and puts his head in the sand.
I have no friends, I am not very outgoing so have always found it hard to, I come to work and go home, that is my life.
I really want to be happy, to feel like life was worth going on with but some days it really doesn't. I have had counselling on and off for years but at the end of the day it is me that has to change. My GP wanted me on antidepressants but the side effects of them made me more anxious than I was before and others she suggested I had heard too many bad things about. I am so lethargic all the time, and now tip the scales at 16 stone.
Is anyone else like this, in a world where we have so much but nothing makes us happy?
Carole I can empathise with you on many of the things you have just said
I lost my mom 2 years ago and am still on those damd pills, but in all honesty I could not copy other wise
I found this site 18 months ago and I found it kept me sane.....I know I know........it helped me by being able to talk about the things that I love and would like to do.....it has even made me laugh at times as well as cry especially when Rainbow Bridge is used
but with all that said I takes a strong person to face what problems they have and DO SOMETHING about them......sounds as if your OH can not see what you are going through, can you not talk to your or his parents and just let them know how you are feeling maybe they could help even if it is only to listen... I know that with out talking I would have been in a far worse place today
keep your chin up and face each day at a time and just remember that there are people out there that do love and care for you
____________ The Velvetine gang. Sookie, Solo & Darcie.
I can really empathise with how you're feeling, although under different circumstances, (i don't have children and a husband to deal with) but i am depressed because i have had long term illness so the feelings you feel, such as nothing making you happy, feeling lathargic all the time etc are exactly how i feel.
I do take anti depressants though, i spent several years refusing to take them but after spending a month in hospital because of my illnesses and really feeling fed up with living, i gave in and tried the dreaded tablets. I have to say i tried several which didn't suit me, some made me feel like a zombie and wanted to sleep all the time, others made me dizzy and put on weight but i finally found one that really worked with no side effects and they have definately helped, i now feel like getting up in the morning i have bad days still but things seem a little less pointless.
Sending you heap loads of ~~~~happy vibes~~~~ and ((((((HUGS))))) xxx
You can see quite a few of us know exactly how you feel, Hun.
Depression is as much an illness just as much as any physical illnesses.
I can't talk to my Hubby about it either, he just doesn't understand...For him his glass is always half full...and he has no idea why I feel like I do at times...after all...we have a nice house, we are not poor, we have teo lovely boys and of course all the animals....But I still get *really* down at times.
Anyone of us on that thread will be more than happy to listen to you rant if you need to, as sometimes just letting it all out helps a bit.
((((((((Carol))))))))) you are definitely not alone.
Although my 'depression' (I have never actually been treated for it) is much better now I still have times when I feel just like you. I too have a wonderful life to the outside observer (and to me too when I examine all the good things). But sometimes I sit there and think is this it? I love my OH to pieces but for years tried to change him to be more caring and interested and more 'perfect'. The day I accepted him for what he was, realised yes I still loved him through all his imperfections and got on with life things became so much better.
For me recently the turning point too has been getting Rolo who has brought so much happiness to my life I can't believe it.
There are no right or wrong circumstances which lead to depression. We don't need to be having things go wrong in life or financial disasters to feel miserable, even though I know people look at us and just think we should be grateful for what we have. It isn't that easy is it. And I am sure you are happy and grateful for lots of things in your life. But true happiness does come from within. You should sit down and figure out what you think would bring about that change.
When I was trying to talk seriously to my OH and he was being dismissive, I sat down and wrote him a long letter letting him know how I felt and how important it was to share it with him. Actually seeing it in black and white helped me to define exactly what I thought was wrong and really got him to see things from my point of view, without having to talk at him while he was 'busy' watching tv or on the computer.
It really does sound like you need a little time JUST FOR YOU .. not work, the house, the kids or the hubby. Could you possibly get involved with some activity with Maisie? This could lead to making some friends which I think will also help you a lot. I just wished I lived nearer as I would be round with a hug and a bottle of wine like a shot
Regarding the weight issue (another problem that we share ), again I feel that if you could manage to join a class nearby and do something positive for yourself it would really help to make you feel better.
Anyway Carol, even if nothing I have said has helped at all, I just want you to know you are not alone. One thing you wrote I know is not true .. you DO have friends .. once you joined LF you gained a whole crowd load of us and we are here for you any time you need us
I don't have experience myself but this time last year my OH became depressed. We went to the doctors together (the good part is that she was excellent). We resisted the anti-depressants for two weeks but then decided that he was going to need some help. The change was amazing, not immediate, but nonetheless amazing. He stayed on them for 6 months and is now doing fine. He did use the time he had off work (6 weeks) to reflect on how he coped with things and what had to change in his life.
If you are working full-time do you need some time out?
My OH had, what I hope, was a very supportive partner but I do have to say there were times when I just wanted to go away and hide it was really difficult. I'm sorry all you guys out there but I do feel that maybe women are better at the supportive bit, talk to your husband and possibly you can work through this together, is he hiding because he doesn't know what else to do?
A year on from the crunch moment - OH being sent home from work in a taxi, we look back and realise that he had been going down hill for several years. We have a beautiful home, 4 grown-up children who are all doing really well barring minor hiccups, it doesn't mean that there aren't real stresses and strains in your life.
I don't know whether this will have helped in any way but I do send you my best, best wishes that you are able to find the way out of the gloom soon.
Ok sat at my desk now bawling my eyes out like a baby!! THank you all for your lovely replies, only been on here a very short while and didn't like to come on and moan.
I am so grateful for all your replies.
My father died a year ago from cancer, my mum who I have never really got along with (they divorced when I was 17) we don't talk and I tend to just be there as her emotional punchbag and shopper. My OH said to say no when she rings or emails with a list of demands to do things for her but if I do I would lose her altogether as she has a history of blanking me for years on end. Marks mum is so like her son, head in the sand, emotions are not discused and we all get on fine. I have written letters or rather emails as he is always on the computer (says she typing away now!) and things change for a short while but soon revert back.
We moved to a village recently and I tried to make friends with someone who has labs and horses but he was so rude when she came round that she hasn't really bothered since and has been distant, he doesn't like me going out on an evening and makes me feel guilty for doing so, but with having Maisie I am going to do obedience and showing so we will be out quite a bit I hope.
Oh Carol ((((((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUG)))))))))))))))))))) hun, you sure sound like you could do with it, sorry I don't live closer as I would join Jilly with another bottle of wine and a hug and kick your OH out for the evening. Hey we could have had quite a party....
Have you thought about putting a post in Lab GT's and arranging one near you, I know Carroll is in Ripon which is not a million miles away from York. There might be already one arranged on there that you can go too, they are great for our furbabies and us and can be quite a giggle.
As Jilly says when you joined LF you instantly made loads of new friends, we are here when you need us. Take Care xx
I to can empathise with you Carol, my mother died over 4 years ago now, I still miss her like mad even tho we didn`t get on to well towards the end of her life thru no fault of her own.
At the same time I lost 3 of my then 4 dogs, so all in all lost mother and the dogs inside 5 months, was too much for me, have never really got past it all fully and still have days when wonder if its all worth it, having the animals helps a good deal cos I have to kick myself to care for them, they can`t do it themselves.
Your definately not alone Carol, a lot of us here can relate to the way you feel.
You`ll get loads of support from us here, you can rant, cry, jump up and down all you want
I think there`s a mini GT arranged soon for somewhere near where Carroll lives, I`m sure it`ll be bumped soon to see if anymore will be going, why not come along and meet some of us f2f?, we don`t bite and are all friendly
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so the feelings you feel, such as nothing making you happy, feeling lathargic all the time etc are exactly how i feel.
i have bad days still but things seem a little less pointless.
), again I feel that if you could manage to join a class nearby and do something positive for yourself it would really help to make you feel better.
