Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 5:03 pm Post subject: I'm not his favourite person anymore :-(
Hi, firstly I have to say this forum has been a great help for me, I have read all the advice given and used most of it! Charlie is now 5 months old and he's doing really well with most things, BUT I feel a bit distant from him lately and it's upsetting me.
I work from home and have been since he arrived, however in the last two weeks my workload has picked up, and whilst I still work from home most of the time I have a dog walker come in 2 or 3 days a week and takes him for walks with other dogs. He has the best time. Then the other days I take him for a short walk to the park closeby (not so many dogs) or my husband takes him for his walk.
I also am the disciplinarian, my husband hasn't been around Charlie as much so I have been the main trainer, which means I feel I am no fun to him anymore. I try and play with him but I makesure I win games, I make sure I play on my grounds etc.. So I think I've become boring to him. He no longer wants to play with me, when we do play he has now started not bringing toys back to me and running away, something he didn't use to do. Also when he was younger he never left my side, he stayed with me in my office at my feet, he would wait outside the toilet for me too, whereas right now he is in the lounge nowhere near me, I just walked by him and he didn't care.
I don't want to be the unfun one but I have to keep being firm as no one else is, or am I just being an over possessive mum and need to let him grow up? or will having other people walk him affect our relationship? If so I guess I'll just have to deal with it. I don't want this distance to get any worse, the main reason we got Charlie was that I had a companion as I work alone from home and my husband is away with work a lot.
sorry for the long message but wanted to explain everything.
i'm no great expert, i'm sure there will be someone else along soon
When playing with him though... don't win everytime, coz then he may get a little bored. if he has lots of toys, rotate them so they are extra exciting as he hasn;t seem them in a while
best bit of advice would be to try spending just him time with him. no other distractions etc so he gets your full attention. make it lots of fun for both of you... coal loves it when i dance about like a loony - it really gets him bum wiggling!
it is hard when you seem to be the only one telling him no etc. but he does love you!
sure you'll get lots of other advice too
hugs
Sam
____________ Sam, Coal & Finn
It�s never too late to be what you might have been
All photographs remain copyrighted to me with al
I know exactly how you feel - I've been in a very similar position myself (Isaac is now 7 months old and I've worked from home the whole time we've had him). Have you tried going out and leaving Charlie with your husband (or anyone else for that matter) then coming back? I reckon you might be surprised at the reaction you get on your return.
Oh Karin I felt so sad when I read your post. To think that your best pal has gone off you!! I'm rather in your position and while I do rely on Meg for companionship, I sometimes have no choice but to ignore her for longish periods when slaving over a hot computer, or even leave her at home occasionally. And I do feel Soooooooo guilty when she looks at me with those eyes
BUT I do think you're getting too much into the 'controlling parent' mode and maybe forgetting to just have fun together. Quite apart from the games where someone has to win - does it ALWAYS have to be you? - there are lots of things you can do on a more equal level (even though he's 5 months and needs to know who's boss). We love rolling round the floor together although Meg's now 5 and I'm old enough to fear for MY joints.
Have you forgotten that training is also fun? Your dog will just love interacting with you, so puppy classes where the trainer has lots of stuff for you to practise between classes, with lots of praise and treats, is a good idea. That was our saving grace. And now she's way too well behaved for classes, we're doing Pets as Therapy, again just to give us a joint interest instead of just walks (or rather smells as her nose gets as much exercise as her legs these days!)
Have fun with your pup and you will also lighten up: it's great therapy! Work may have to go on hold for a golden time every day, but you'll be best friends again!
You've made me feel so much better, I will do everything, let him win once in a while, change his toys (actually something I do do but lately with work had forgotten!), go out (leave hubby at home, that sounds like a great idea!)
Thanks, I think I will go have a play with him right now! I do think I have to also accept that he is growing up, he has hit puberty and is humping everything and I am the one who stops him from pursuing his urges more! poor fella!
First of all I bet you anything you are still his favorite person - they have so many developmental stages and this is just one of them. When he's pottering about, be patient and let him come to you. All the spade work you've done will have established you, and whilst other things/people may be novelties dogs generally aren't so very fickle for long (actually they aren't fickle at all because their minds work so differently to ours).
Also, I wouldn't run down being the disciplinarian or the trainer - beneath the testing of boundaries they like it and it makes them feel secure. But if you suspect he'll ignore you when you give a command, for the time being try not to give him the opportunity. That's he's moving out of the clingy puppy stage is a really good sign that you've done a top job so far.
Incidentally, my Lab can drop me like a hot potato when he's around his "favourite" person who runs the training sessions we go to. But there have been occassions when he's lost me in a crowd of other dog walkers and the look on his face when he finds me makes up for all the indifference when he'd rather be in front of the fire or toddling around on his own.
Everyone has so much good advice, I think I was just getting worried but having read what you and everyone else has said I shouldn't be worrying and definitely not running down the disciplining. I guess I'd much rather have a well behaved less clingy dog than a badly behaved one clinging to me all the time!
I like what you said about them not being fickle, I was beginning to think he was, I guess we just need more time with each other.
Posted: Sun Jan 21, 2007 8:42 pm Post subject: OH no, I think it's getting worse!
Well, since friday I've been playing games and giving praises and treats to Charlie, we've been having a bit more fun, not so much training but nice walks to different parks over the weekend and cuddles!.
However, today I have been doing some work in the afternoon, (preparing for big presentation) and Charlie has had 2 accidents in the last 3 hours!!! Which is completely abnormal as he has been pretty much toilet trained for the last two months. Yes, I'll admit we've had the odd accident before, but never two in one day let alone within three hours.
I think he is very smart and is doing this as an attention seeking thing, after having had not so much attention last week, then a weekend of fun with me, the moment I go back to work he starts peeing!? what do you think? am I looking into this too much? What should I do? He needs to understand I have to work! sometimes I think it would be easier if I didn't work at home where he sees me all the time.
This has also made me worry as I'm off skiing next weekend for a long weekend (5 days) and Charlie is staying with some relatives, is the separation going to make him worse? I don't want all the training and effort of the last three months to be forgotten!
Personally I don't buy the attention seeking thing - dogs doubtless do all sorts of destructive and noxious things left to their own devices; but this is generally because they haven't learnt to be on their own for a bit and occupy themselves more constructively. In fairness to him he's also still young, so toilet accidents are going to be inevitable for a while, unless you can keep getting him out every couple fo hours. They aren't in the business of punishing people - it just looks like that!
Do you crate him? If not I be very tempted to. I work from home too, and have two small children - without a fairly strict routine I would never get anything done. Moo and Pip get a lot of quality time - including a long walk for Moo generally at midday; but during much of the working day its kongs/bones, sleeps in crates and short toilet/play breaks. In the evening they get lots of affection and attention etc.
I'd be tempted to look Charlie in the eye and resolve how the days got to be - if his basic needs are met and he's getting some quality time, he'll soon get used to it.
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum You cannot attach files in this forum You cannot download files in this forum
I'm rather in your position and while I do rely on Meg for companionship, I sometimes have no choice but to ignore her for longish periods when slaving over a hot computer, or even leave her at home occasionally. And I do feel Soooooooo guilty when she looks at me with those eyes 
